Dear you,

You were supposed to protect us. No matter how important your jobs were, none was more important than that, and you never showed up to work. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that I get it, but you should have been brave. You should have always been brave when it mattered.

Dear you,

You still have the dreamiest, softest eyes I’ve ever seen. I wish they matched your interior. I’ve had people walk away from me before, but never after promising they respected and cherished me too much to do so — more than once. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that the sound of your footsteps and your silence instead of words have hurt more than any of the others.

I spoke to my best friend last night and we mused about what it might be like if you and I were ever to find ourselves in the same place at the same time. I would have to pretend I didn’t see you, and the thought of it made me feel sick.

Dear you,

You’ve made comments about photos you’ve seen of me, and as usual, you still know nothing. I did not take your bait, and instead, I cried in my car on the way to the grocery store, thinking about how I’m so glad I look so happy to you. If I could tell you one thing, it would be to keep your delusions and to keep ignoring me — you were always the best one at doing that, anyway.

Dear you,

I am tired of wanting your apologies to be real. I think, at this point in our lives, we could both benefit so much from sticking together, and the truth is you have absolutely no interest in that. Of all the people in the world, I think I wanted you at the top of the list of the ones who didn’t focus on what I was always doing wrong. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that I wish you knew how I really felt, instead of just believing what you want to.

Dear you,

I am not ready to meet you yet, no matter what my brain tells me.

Dear you,

There’s something you need to know about what it means when I tell someone I love them. It doesn’t matter what sense of love that is — it means you’re with me, always, like something I carry. I remember the moment I realized you were with me. You were with me, and literally overnight, you were gone. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that I wish you would have left me out of it, and that we had stayed mostly strangers. I wish I could stop carrying you with me.

Dear you,

You forgot about what happened — but I never will. I want you to remember that, whenever you get any ideas.

Dear you,

You don’t get to tell me you don’t want to be friends anymore and then try to walk back on it. I ran out of things to say, but if there was something left, it would be that that door only opens one way.

Dear you,

I will never tell you this, but whenever I think about the way I want to feel in a relationship, I think about the way I felt with you. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that a little more effort would have changed everything, but I don’t think that’s ever mattered.

Dear you,

I hope you’re happy. Really. I think that will change everything for you.

Dear you,

You’re a complete ghost in the wind, and I still think about you a lot. If I could tell you one thing, it would be that I wish you would have stuck around, because being friends with you felt so natural. And I miss how hard we used to laugh.

Dear you,

It pains me to think about how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other. If I could tell you one thing, it’s that I’m still here, I always was, and I could have shown up for you a little bit better than I did.